Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
