Got a toothbrush?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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