I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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