I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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