Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
