My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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