I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
