At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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