My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
