I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well you can't waste a boner
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
