I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
