What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
