u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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