this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
