Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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