i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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