I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
