Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
