like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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