Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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