she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
