I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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