Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sober January is a disaster.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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