I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
