I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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