and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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