BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
