No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
