I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
