I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
