Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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