perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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