Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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