More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize