We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
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Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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