like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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