i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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