Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is the prime rib incident all over again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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