if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
