I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
