I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
