How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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