2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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