is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
