Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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