Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
