I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
