I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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