oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
