you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
