omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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