From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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