I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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