i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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