I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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