You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
