oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
