wat bout pragnant strippers??
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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