'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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