is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
