So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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