i barfeds in our rink
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
do herpes really smell.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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