You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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