end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
