I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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