I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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