mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
