I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
