went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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