Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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