I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
