Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm at about main and main street
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
