do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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